How I Didn't Meet Your Father

When I found Ted's "Killer Pesto" recipe on HelloGiggles, I also ran across a link called "How I Didn't Meet Your Father," a narrative spin on the TV show How I Met Your Mother. For those who haven't seen the show, the basic premise is that 20-some years in the future, Ted is telling his kids the story of how he met their mother...something that takes 9 seasons to accomplish. Anyway, being a big fan of the show, I was intrigued. It turned out to be a post by one of the HelloGiggles' contributors, Andrea Greb, who wrote a letter to her future children about how she hasn't meet their father. She's a witty, thoughtful writer and I enjoyed her post enough to show her the sincerest form of flattery...ie. imitating her endeavor. 

So here it goes...

Hey (future) kids,

The year is 2013 and I have yet to meet your father. I'm assuming I do meet him some day, otherwise who the hell are you?! Just kidding...well, kinda. We'll call this a technicality and move on. 

There are a myriad of ways people typically meet their future spouse, but to my knowledge I have missed most of the clichés, such as...

In high school
Yes, I do know some people who married their high school sweethearts.  At least three couples, in fact. It's sweet and adorable and I'm admittedly a little jealous. They're all still together after...gosh, over ten years now, and happy as little clams.  As a starry eyed teenager, I thought it would be amazing to meet the person you would spend the rest of your life with while you were in high school. You'd have spent so much more time together than most other couples and have gone through so many life experiences together...not to mention have a better chance at celebrating your 50th or 60th wedding anniversary. Clearly in my case this was not to be, since I am now about 10 years out of high school. The fact that I never dated anyone while I was in high school may have been a contributing factor. :)  That's not to say I didn't have a huge crush or two, but since they never led anywhere, the point is rather moot. 


At college
Once out of high school, I assumed I'd meet Mr. Right by the time I graduated college. That's where many people find their significant others...by taking a class together, through mutual friends, at a dance, etc. My parents technically count, since mom was still in college when they met. :)  Like Ted (his being a fictional character aside), I know a ton of people who got married soon after graduation due to this seemingly natural phenomenon. Most of the weddings I attended the year after I graduated (most of my friends were a year younger than me) were couples who met in college. Again, very cool...college is a great place to meet, if that's how your story plays out. It would seem my tale is not that of Marshall and Lily, therefore I did not meet your father in college.


At a bar
Ok, this one is my fault. And by fault, I mean it's pretty much a purposeful non-meeting location. In HIMYM, a lot of time is spent in MacLaren's Pub, the local "Cheers-esque" bar in the basement below Ted's apartment...and is consequently where Ted, Barney and Robin pick up or spend time with a lot of their dates. But like Andrea Greb from HelloGiggles, I am not the kind of gal who frequents bars. I've been to a few, mostly in college and a couple times since graduating...but I've always preferred drinking at home because a.) it's waaay less expensive, b) I'm more of a social drinker and it's a lot easier to socialize while sitting around a living room than belly-up-to-the-bar, c.) when you're at home, you're not driving anywhere, so it's a lot safer since you're avoiding the whole drinking-and-driving thing...ooh, and d.) if you do something stupid, you're only doing it around a few people instead of in public. Not that the latter scenario has ever happened...ever...or anything. :) Therefore my chances of meeting your father at a bar are pretty much slim to none...and I'm really ok with that.  


Online
Kids, my 21st birthday gift to myself (which was basically just an excuse to spend money) was to buy a six month subscription to CatholicMatch, an online Catholic dating site. I'm still friends with a couple guys I met on there, but none of them were "your father" material. One is now happily married with kids and the other, while very nice, just isn't my type. It was a good experience though, because it taught me that the online dating world wasn't for me...partly because there are a lot of weirdos out there (ran across a fair number of those!) and partly because it's too easy to get invested in someone who either purposefully isn't being honest about themselves or in putting their best foot forward, greatly misrepresents themselves. When you meet someone in real life, you have a better chance of seeing who they are by how they interact with people, what they wear, what they listen to, etc. Sure, they can still put on an act and seem perfect when they're really not, but there are more chances to notice. I'm as guilty as anyone else in creating an online persona...it's so much easier to seem nice, sweet and cheerful electronically than in person...so no judgement on other people who do it unintentionally. And not to say it can't happen, that you meet "the One" via a dating site...I know at least two happily married couples who met online...I just don't think it will be the way I meet your father.


At a wedding
While Barney and Robin's wedding is ultimately where Ted meets his (fictional) kids future mother, I doubt this is where I'll meet my Mr. Right. First off, let me say I love weddings. They are joyful occasions where I am genuinely excited and happy for my friends and love being supportive of their decision to spend their lives together. What I hate are receptions. I'm not a super sociable person, so I'm not inclined to start chatting up random people I've never met before...and I'm apparently not particularly approachable, since strangers don't tend to approach me either. So I typically end up spending the whole night sitting at the table, getting up to dance the Cha-Cha Slide or Cotton-Eyed Joe...or chatting with people I already know who are also attending said wedding, which is a great way to catch up with people you don't see very often, but after the 5th identical conversation, it gets a little tedious. "Actually, I graduated a few years ago (cough*five!*cough), or yes, I'm still working at the Capitol...I really enjoy traveling as much as I can...yes, I post a lot about shoes and Doctor Who on Facebook...yup, still single..." My mother's bridesmaid met her future husband at my folks' wedding, so it can happen, I just don't see that panning out for me.


At work
Believe it or not, (future) kids, your mother doesn't like politics. I hate the politics of politics and only support people I personally like and respect, not parties or platforms. Since this is the case, the worst possible place I can think of to meet your father (second only to a bar...or football field), is at work. Many (if not most) of my coworkers are very politically minded, some of them being elected officials themselves (one's a county commissioner and another is the mayor of a small town just outside Lincoln). The last thing I want to be is a politician's wife, because of all the socializing, hand shaking, cheerful smiling, party attending and parade walking...not to mention the pressure of not screwing things up by doing or saying something stupid that would reflect poorly on your husband. That's always a consideration, of course...I'd rather not make my spouse look stupid no matter what his occupation...but most jobs aren't such that you're always in the spotlight with people taking note or even looking for you to make a mistake. No thanks...too much pressure.


There you have it, (future) kids. I am still hopeful that I'm going to meet your father. I haven't given up, nor do I plan to settle. You're far too important to allow that to happen. Settling never made for a happy marriage, and that's what I hope your (future) father and I can give you. I'm basically flying by the seat of my pants for the time being...at sixteen I fully expected to have met your father and married him by the time I graduated from college, so life has been massively improvised ever since May of 2008. I try to be patient and some days are better than others...but I'm hanging in there. Hopefully we'll all get to meet before too long...but in the meantime I plan to keep plugging away at being me.


~ Katie