Happy Singles Awareness Day

It's been a minute since I posted something Myers-Briggs related and, since today is Valentine's Day, sharing this seemed appropriate. 

I've taken unofficial MBTI tests a few times and I waffle between INFJ and ISFJ. I've decided I'm special and get my own unique designation...the IN/SFJ! 😎 I'm an amalgamation of both Sensing and Intuition. There's a lot of overlap between both personality types, since all the other traits are the same. I frequently read the descriptions for each (INFJ and ISFJ) and think "yep, that sounds like me" or equal parts feel it's not quite right.  

If you've never taken the Myers-Briggs personality test, I'd recommend checking out this one. I like that they provide multiple options to express agreeing or disagreeing, as opposed to just yes/no or always/never responses. 

Once you know your M-B personality type, it's fun to look up fictional characters to see who you match. To that end, check out: 

The Lord of the Rings (Sam-ISFJ or Galadriel-INFJ) 
The Hunger Games (Katniss-ISFJ or Rue-INFJ)  
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Angel-ISFJ or Tara-INFJ)
Star Wars - Ep 1-6 (C-3PO-ISFJ or Obi-Wan Kenobi-INFJ)
Marvel Supers (Steve Rogers-ISFJ or Bruce Banner-INFJ)
Doctor Who 9-11 (Craig Owens/The Defender-ISFJ or Sarah Jane Smith/The Counselor-INFJ) 
Classic Jane Austin characters (Edward Farras/Sense and Sensibility-ISFJ or Elizabeth Bennet/Pride and Prejudice-INFJ).

Introvert, Dear posted this article last week, about what each introverted M-B type needs in a relationship to be happy. Like most things, it's not a "one size fits all," so when you read the description for your personality type, it might not jive with your life experience. I pulled two - ISFJ and INFJ - to cover both my bases. As usual, for me they're both fairly accurate.


What Each Introverted Myers-Briggs Type Needs in a Relationship to Be Happy
by Jenn Granneman


Whether you’re in a relationship or currently looking, you know the good ones are equal parts spark and work. Respect, communication, and attraction are just a few of the qualities you’ll need. What’s more, each introverted Myers-Briggs personality type craves something specific from their partner. Without it, they just won’t be happy. Although every introvert is different — and what we desire may change over time — here’s what I believe each type wants.

What Each Introverted Type Wants in a Relationship

ISFJ

Have you ever met an ISFJ on Tinder? It’s possible you have, but they were probably only hoping to blend in. Tradition-oriented and responsible, ISFJs don’t usually do flings and one-night stands just for the thrill of it. Rather, this routine-loving personality is at their best when clear expectations have been established. In other words, where is this going, and what do I mean to you?

ISFJs can make great partners because they genuinely care and want to make others happy. They also read people well, often sensing what they need on a practical level — a warmer coat for winter or a protein snack — and they’re more than happy to pitch in. But don’t take their big hearts for granted. ISFJs take their relationships seriously, and in turn, expect others to do the same.

Not knowing where they stand with someone, feeling like their status within a relationship could change at a moment’s notice, or simply not being able to envision a solid future with someone will leave an ISFJ quite unhappy. So what do ISFJs want? You guessed it. Security.

The highlighted sentence really says it all. Feeling insecure about a relationship - romantic or otherwise - can be supremely frustrating. I understand two people having different levels of interest or investment, but I hate when things feel tentative, or someone gives me reason to question their level of care or interest. The less I have to question my level of import in a relationship or friendship, the more trusting I can be and the more trusting, the more comfortable. And not being able to trust or feel comfortable around someone I care about is definitely a source of unhappiness for me. 

INFJ

Everyone feels misunderstood from time to time. When someone honks at you in traffic. When someone misinterprets your words or actions. When you fight with your significant other. Yet for many INFJs, feeling misunderstood is a day-to-day experience.

Perhaps it’s not that INFJs are so wildly confusing that people cannot comprehend them. Rather, this introvert understands others so easily, almost in the blink of an eye. Often seeing the hidden things, the things others want shuttered, INFJs easily sniff out what’s really going on. Many of them are highly sensitive people, after all.

For this reason, INFJs can feel made to understand but not be understood. And that brings me to what they crave in a romantic relationship: a deep sense that their partner “gets” the real them. It’s an emotionally intimate, “I see you for all that you are” connection.

This, of course, is a tall order, because none of us can ever truly walk in another’s shoes. But for INFJs, a little understanding goes a long way. This is why INFJs can make great partners themselves. Although at times their guarded and distrustful demeanor prevents it, when they care about you, they will work hard to know you on a deep level. You might even say that creating emotional intimacy is an INFJ superpower.

I am fairly intuitive and tend to "get" people I care about pretty quickly (their likes, dislikes, general preferences, things that matter to them, etc). It takes a lot for me to let people close enough to "get me," but it matters all the more because of that. When I share with someone or let them be a part of my life, it can be rather demoralizing when it feels like there's a disconnect and they don't have a similar level of understanding towards me. 



Do either of the two descriptions above apply to you? If so, how accurate do you think they are? If not and you checked the link to the other introvert descriptions, which one are you and did it sound like something that applies to your life? 




~ Katie Q. 🐧

Musical Bonus: No Time to Die, the newly released James Bond theme song! I'm not a fan of the James Bond franchise, but I like some of the theme music and have become a big fan of Finneas and Billie Eilish. I was so excited for them when they were chosen to write this music. Disdain for the franchise aside, it's quite an honor. 

The arrangement has a good old school Bond sound to it, while also managing to feel contemporary. The direction of the lyrics intrigued me, in that it sounds like a disillusioned woman singing to James, providing a seemingly accurate description of what a relationship with him would be like. 

"No Time to Die"

Performed by Billie Eilish

Written by Billie and Finneas O'Connell

Produced by Finneas O'Connell and Stephen Lipson

Orchestral Arrangement by Hans Zimmer and Matt Dunkley

And of course I couldn't resist including some memes. 😎