Movie review: When Harry met Sally

After finishing the Fast and Furious franchise, our group's weekly movie night changed up a bit. The host decided to call it "Movie Night Roulette"...the rules are people bring 1-2 movies each and then an attendee's name is picked out of a hat (well, technically a bowl, but details). The picker then chooses a movie from the offerings, though they can't pick one they brought. This way we watch a broad array of movies people may not have seen before or aren't in their general wheelhouse. And by not picking a theme or a specific movie in advance, it keeps people from deciding to pass that week because of the choice. 

Here's what we've watched so far: 

1. Penelope (2006)
2. Porco Rosso (1992)
3. Muppet Treasure Island (1996) - I was the picker!
4. Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016)
5. What’s Up Doc? (1972) - Great movie, but I missed that night because I was in Denver
6. When Harry Met Sally (1989)

The movies I've brought are 30 Days of Night, Begin Again, Easy A, The Gift, Inside Out, Die Hard (on the same night as Inside Out, lol), About a Boy, He’s Just Not That Into You (read my review here) and Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Quite a diverse offering. 😎

Warning: Spoilers ahead

I'd never seen When Harry Met Sally and I doubt I'll watch it again. But while there were an abundance of things I didn't like about it, there were some things I thought they did really well. 

I genuinely liked Sally (Meg Ryan). She was a little neurotic and uptight (a very Meg Ryan-y role), but she was also thoughtful, determined, caring...and she had standards. When she realized that she wanted a family and kids, she was willing to end a 5 year relationship with a man who didn't. But the best part about her character was her willingness to call out Harry (Billy Crystal) right from the beginning: 

• his come-on at the diner as they drove from Chicago to New York (he was dating a friend of her), 
• their discussion 5 years later in regards to whether or not he disliked her (during/after the drive) and that it was because "I didn't want to sleep with you and you had to write it off as a character flaw,"  
• after they became friends when he took his upset out on her after he ran into his ex-wife at Sharper Image, 
• same scene: the fact that he's trying to fill the gaping hole his wife left by sleeping with every woman in NYC, 
• the (in)famous scene in the diner was the result of his saying he'd never heard any complaints about his "love 'em and leave 'em" style with the women he's dated. She comments that he's never around long enough afterwards to find out, which leads into the unnecessarily descriptive conversation, etc...

The biggest instance, though, was after Harry and Sally slept together. She was hurt that it didn't seem to matter as much to Harry, though they'd both agreed it was a mistake. He didn't understand why she was still having a tough time with it and acting stand0ff-ish at their best friends Jess (Bruno Kirby) and Marie's (Carrie Fisher) wedding - it had been a whole three weeks as far as he was concerned, whereas it had only been three weeks to Sally. He semi-unintentionally continued to trivialize it and when she'd finally had it, she stopped speaking/hanging out with him altogether. 

This forced Harry to realize her friendship mattered and to make an effort to fix things. He left her a few messages, even being cute and cheesy by singing in one of them. When she finally answered, he apologized and asked if they could still spend New Years Eve together (they'd agreed to be each others dates if they were both single at the time). She told him that she couldn't do this anymore and that she wasn't his "consolation prize." Her time, friendship, love and heart were worth more than that. 

On NYE, Sally attended the party and, after getting sick of sitting alone in his apartment, Harry went for a walk, wandering around NYC. I forget what triggered it, but close to midnight, he raced to the party and told Sally that he loved her. Here the movie avoided a cliché - in most rom-coms, that would have been sufficient and they'd live happily ever after. Here, just saying "I love you" wasn't enough. Once again she called him out, telling him that he can't just show up, say he loves her and expect that to make everything alright. That led into Harry's great speech (you can watch the whole thing here): 

"And it's not because I'm lonely and it's not because it's New Years Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." 

Harry finally realizes  he's in love with Sally and that he has to do something about it. She matters, he genuinely cares about her and the loss of their connection means something to him. 

I think that's the central theme of the movie and one of the reasons it takes Harry and Sally over twelve years to be together - actually caring about another human being as much or more than yourself. 

It's a progression that takes place over a long period of time, on both their parts (though in different ways). For Sally, her first impression of Harry was not a good one and it took a lot of time and a willingness to get to know him that not only changed her opinion of Harry, but caused her to care about and form a close friendship with him. Harry's declaration "that men and women can never be friends because the sex part always gets in the way" ("Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.") encapsulated his shallow outlook on life and prevented him from building a friendship with Sally after they first meet. It wasn't until about 10 years later (and his wife was divorcing him) that he found a way to be friends with Sally, eventually becoming very close best friends. 

This friendship is one of the best parts of the movie. When reading up on "trivia," I discovered screenwriter Nora Ephron based much of their dialogue on the real-life friendship between Rob Reiner and Billy Crystal. This was a great perspective to use, because Harry and Sally's exchanges were quick, easy and clearly between two people who "got" each other. And this was the foundation of their eventual relationship - becoming best friends first, without sex getting in the way, creating something that lasts long after the "honeymoon period" and passion fades. And that was something Harry had to figure out, which is why his speech was necessary (and excellent), to show he wasn't all words and empty feelings. 

Another thing I really liked were the scenes that felt like real life, such as at the football game when Harry tells Jess about his divorce. The best one, though, is when when Joe (the guy Sally had dated for 5 years) called her up to "touch base" and let her know he was getting married. I'm not sure how much time had passed since they broke up (less than a year, for sure), but Sally had handled it really well up to that point. Rationally she realized they didn't have a future together and so packed up whatever upset she was feeling and moved on. But when he called to tell her he was getting married, and to someone he just met, she fell apart and called Harry, asking him come over to talk about it. The crux of it was this - Joe had always said he didn't want to get married, but really it was that he didn't want to marry her. It was that rejection and feeling so utterly replaceable that was so painful. That feeling is extremely relatable and very human.     

All that being said, as I mentioned earlier I probably won't watch When Harry Met Sally again. For all the likable parts and things they did well (great cast, witty dialogue, the couples interviews and ultimate conclusion), there are at least an equal number of things to dislike...from the idea that men just want sex to its excessive discussion. I've love a count on how many times the word "sex" is said in WHMS. It's such a pervasive part of the movie (thankfully not visually, just conversationally) that it takes away from the charm, which is unfortunate. 

I also have to call nitpicky BS on a couple of things. For one, the (in)famous diner scene. From what we'd seen of Sally's character, I have a hard time believing she'd have done that, particularly in such a public, crowded place. When discussing it with a friend, he suggested her pride/need to prove Harry wrong and ability to embarrass Harry in front of a room full of people would have overridden her better judgement in the moment. Perhaps...but still...

The other was right after Harry and Sally slept together. He was immediately uncomfortable and it was very evident he wanted to get the heck out of there. I do give him credit for staying the night instead of taking off as quickly as possible, which was his MO (per a previous discussion). The BS was about how obvious it was. Sally (or any woman) would have picked up on it immediately, which would have lead to a conversation about things (what had happened, their relationship, etc). Instead Sally is blissfully ignorant and it's not till the next morning that things get uncomfortable. Again, I give Harry credit for realizing damage control was needed and asking her out to dinner that night, instead of just fleeing the scene. But there's literally no way Sally wouldn't have picked up on something in the moment. 

I know When Harry Met Sally is on some people's favorite movies lists, but I can't say it will land on mine. But to end on a positive note, here's a compilation of the couples interviews from throughout the movie. While the people in the interviews are actors, the stories are true. 😊

~ Katie Q. 🐧


Fun facts:

• The segments of married couples telling the stories of how they met are real stories that director Rob Reiner collected for the film. The actors related the stories. 
• The scene where we see all four lead characters talking to each other individually on various telephones took sixty takes to nail.
• The concept of Sally being a picky eater was based on the film's screenwriter, Nora Ephron. Years after the movie came out, when Ephron was on a plane and ordered something very precise, the stewardess looked at her and asked, "Have you ever seen the movie When Harry Met Sally... (1989)?"
• Harry is shown reading Stephen King's "Misery." The film adaptation would be the next movie directed by Rob Reiner.
• Nora Ephron supplied the structure of the film with much of the dialogue based on the real-life friendship between Rob Reiner and Billy Crystal. For example, in the scene where Sally and Harry appear on a split screen, talking on the telephone while watching their respective television sets, channel surfing, was something that Crystal and Reiner did every night.
• The film is based on director Rob Reiner's experiences post-divorce and as a single man. Ironically, Reiner met his current wife during the making of this film.