Progress

A friend of mine likes to say "life sucks and then you die," which is where I'm living right now. 

So far this year has been a garbage fire. Not all of it, but some big, important things are overshadowing everything else creating a dark, smoldering mess. I continue to be amazed at how you can experience such physical responses to emotional/psychological situations...that emotions have the ability to physically hurt. It's weird and like your mind and body are both fighting you at the same time. 

At least it gives me a better understanding/more empathy for people who turn to drugs and alcohol? A brief reprieve can be quite tempting. Fortunately for the sake of my overall health, I can't help but consider long-term ramifications to decisions that only offer temporary solutions. It's a blessing and a curse. 

I did have a bit of good news yesterday, which was nice. I had a doctor appointment to discuss some "woman issues" I've been dealing with and when they checked my weight, it turns out I'm down almost 30 lbs from last spring (which was tragically my all-time high). I knew I'd lost some weight, but would not have guessed it was anywhere near that much...especially given in the last few weeks, I ate an entire box of cookies. By myself. In one sitting. Like I said, garbage fire of a year. 😕

In the last few years I've been trying to eat better, being more conscious of the choices I'm making. This is somewhat problematic because I love food. No, LOVE food. And all the bad stuff. If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, it would be pasta...partly because there are so many varieties so it would take longer to get bored/sick of it, but mostly because I freakin' love pasta. And bread. And pizza. And donuts. Don't even get me started on ice cream. 

In 2016, Mom and I decided to go gluten-free for a few months, mostly to eliminate the aforementioned beloved items that are verboten and to eat for better health. We have diabetes on both sides of the family, so eating well is important. After being really strict for about 4 months, we definitely felt better (which is annoying, lol) and had incorporated a lot more veggies and pasta/bread alternatives into our diet. We lapsed a bit, sometimes more than others...particularly when on vacation/traveling. 

Cutting out gluten was tough...I never thought I'd have to pay so much attention to food labels. It's insane how many things have wheat in them that you'd never guess. Soy sauce! Who would have thought they'd include wheat as a filler...and as the second ingredient, after water?! You know the ingredients for GF Soy Sauce? Water, soybeans, salt and alcohol (to preserve freshness). That's it! 

Little did I know, it was going to get worse. Mom had suggested cutting out sugar along with gluten and I told her she was crazy. Crazy! I don't hate myself that much! 

Apparently I was wrong. Sometime last summer...if I had to guess, I'd say end of May, beginning of June?...we decided to try the Keto Diet. Short version - eating low carb, high protein & fat foods that help your body burn fat instead of sugar. It's not for everyone, but works best for people with (or avoiding) diabetes, since you're not consuming processed sugar or high carb foods. 

The biggest change we had to deal with was cutting down high carbs foods like rice, corn-based items and GF pastas. We had been making a lot of risotto because it was GF and so freakin' delicious, but due to the high carbs, we had to stop. I'd occasionally get myself Reese's Puffs cereal as a treat (it's GF!), but had to stop because of the sugar. We've definitely cut back on how much GF pasta we eat, since those are still high carb. Ditto for sweet potatoes, though we still eat them a few times a month. The biggest "cheat" last summer was watermelon, which is pretty high on the glycemic index (GI). In case you were unaware, "the glycemic index is a value assigned to foods based on how slowly or how quickly those foods cause increases in blood glucose levels." The lower the number, the less the food spikes your blood sugar. And yes, I did immediately find ice cream that worked - Enlightened Cold Brew Coffee, which uses erythritol as the sweetener. It scores 0-1 on the GI. For comparison, table sugar GI is 63. Raw honey, which I still use on occasion, is 30. 

Some tough days notwithstanding, we've been doing a pretty good job sticking to keto-friendly food choices. We've even found some recipes we genuinely like and would make "on purpose." Top of the list would be a Low Carb Keto Lasagna. I'd have never guessed I'd voluntarily choose to eat something that replaces pasta with zucchini, but stranger things, I guess? Some notes from the chef (should you decide to try making it): use one pound of ground beef instead of a half pound of italian sausage; stir the garlic powder into the ricotta cheese mixture; stir the finely chopped garlic clove into the ground beef during the last two minutes or so (put it in too soon and it can burn); add sheets of mozzarella cheese after the first layer and then put a layer on the top (browning beautifully); use 2-3 thinly sliced zucchini (instead of 4); you may need more than 16 oz of marinara sauce. As weird as the recipe sounds, I definitely recommend trying it out. It makes really good leftovers too. 

Quantity/portion control has been another big change. I've been trying to eat smaller lunches, most days only having an RX bar. The Peanut Butter one is my favorite. I like the short list of ingredients - dates, peanuts, egg whites, natural flavors and sea salt. If I wait till about 12:30pm-1pm to eat it, it's enough to hold me over till dinner. My biggest problem is not snacking late at night. I'm using Lent to help me with that one. I gave up eating between meals, which is both tough (penitential) and good for my health. 

I'm sure cutting back on my alcohol consumption has helped too. Beer is my summer go-to beverage, but since most contain gluten (are wheat based), I only had a few beers over the course of the season. I've been avoiding hard liquor and wine because they're both high in carbs - though it's ok to have one glass of wine or a drink with one shot of hard liquor in it on the Keto diet - and because of an "oops" situation last fall. So...when you're in ketosis (burning fat instead of sugar), alcohol metabolizes in your system faster, which is something I found out when I made two Moscow Mules and ended up puking my guts out. Under normal circumstances the amount of vodka I used would have generated a pleasant buzz...but since I hadn't been drinking much alcohol recently and eating a lot less sugar, it hit my system like a ton of bricks. Thankfully I was at home at the time, so my embarrassment was limited and I was safe...but after that I was much more careful about my alcohol consumption. For the most part I drink coffee, hot tea and water, which helps with the whole weight loss thing too. 

For me, losing weight is more about feeling/being healthy and fitting into my clothes better (honestly, it's about 35/65, lol). I don't care about the actual number. I'm pretty comfortable with the fact that I'm not model thin and never will be. And I take the slow-going approach to weight loss. I figure the quicker you lose it, the more quickly you're going to put it back on. Making lifestyle changes, like cutting down on the amount of bread I eat and not eating a bowl of ice cream at 9pm, are going to help more in the long run, since you're more likely to stick with them than eating a grapefruit for breakfast every morning or just salads with oil & vinegar for lunch. 

This post is just a giant ramble and an excuse to put some thoughts down on paper. When I'm not doing well/struggling with depression, it really kills my creativity. On the plus side, I finally watched Daredevil Season 3, The Punisher Season 2, Maniac (with Emma Stone and Jonah Hill), a lot of The Office and How I Met Your Mother, the final season of The Strain, Velvet Buzzsaw, The Big Sick, The Favourite and rewatched Silver Linings Playbook and The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Oh, and I saw Captain Marvel last Thursday...though that was in a theater and not streamed.  

Here's to surviving the rest of winter, Lent, session and making it through the year. A year I had high hopes for, but turned out to be a rerun. Deja vu 2012. I need some new years...I'm so over repeating disasters. 


~ Katie Q.