I read this article back when it was first posted on HelloGiggles and have been ruminating on it ever since. Clearly I think it's worth sharing (or, re-sharing...since I posted it on Facebook back in December) and would recommend taking the time to read it, especially if you've ever found yourself confused about why your friend/sibling/parent/boyfriend/ girlfriend/spouse is upset or hurt by something that seems insignificant to you.
Anna Kendrick says she broke up with a guy who didn't respect her boundaries, and we applaud her
One of the many things we love about Anna Kendrick? She’s not afraid to stand up for herself. The actress, who’s currently promoting Pitch Perfect 3 (which will be out in theaters on December 22nd) admitted to Elle that she broke up with someone who didn’t respect her boundaries, which is something everyone should feel comfortable doing.
The actress said that especially in recent years, she’s made it clear that talking about how you feel is important. “I used to not do that, because I thought, ‘Those aren’t facts. I can’t make an argument based on my feelings.’ Then I realized that nobody can tell me how to feel about something,” she said. “Just because you think I shouldn’t be bothered by something doesn’t mean that I’m not bothered. If my feelings matter to you, then this is what needs to change.”
This sentiment is especially true in relationships that have long term potential — and it’s always important to remember that your personal reactions to situations matter. That’s why Kendrick broke up with someone when they didn’t seem to understand how something made her uncomfortable.
"There’s this anecdote that I think about from when I was younger," Kendrick revealed. "I was dating a guy. He tickled me playfully, and I said, 'I know that's cute and that people do it, but I really don't like being tickled. It really makes me feel trapped and panicked. I know it's silly and funny for most people, but I really hate it, so could you please not?' He thought that it was really dumb that I had a problem with being tickled and did it anyway."
Kendrick didn’t accept this response — nor should anyone.
"I broke up with him," she said. "And I knew that in the retelling of that story, I would be some crazy girl. You never want to be labeled ‘the crazy girl’...That he would tell his friends, 'Oh, she broke up with me, because I tickled her. What a psycho.' I just had to go, 'No, I broke up with you because I told you something was important to me, and you didn't respect that.'"
We applaud Kendrick for not only doing the right thing, but telling the truth about why things came to an end — as it only serves as inspiration for other women to do the same. Respect important in every healthy relationship, and it’s vital to know that you should never be talked out of how you feel.
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I've found myself dealing with something similar - I got in a huge fight with my brother a few years ago because I couldn't get him to understand why I was upset about something. Most of our arguments or fights over the years have be unimportant and blown over fairly quickly, but this one was bad enough that we didn't speak for about 3 months.
In situations like this, people misunderstand the reason for the upset. Anna Kendrick's story is a good example of this problem. It's not so much WHAT you're doing, but WHY you're doing it. Just because you don't understand why something is upsetting, it doesn't mean it's insignificant or unworthy of your attention. If someone is important to you, what they feel and care about should be important to you too (even if you don't get "what's the big deal.").
~ Katie Q.
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