Katie made me do it! 😐

No, not this Katie, the other Katie! I don't talk about myself in the third person, lol.

A dear, dear, deeeeear friend of mine decided that a mutual friend and I each needed to get out there more and, specifically, need to each go on at least one date this year. My thought was if she put this on her yearly goal list, then she should have to produce the gentlemen for the required dates. 

Shockingly, she didn't agree. 😆

This being the case, the other friend and I were left to our own devices. Friend #2 recently ran across a matchmaking post, hosted by Fr. David Michael Moses and Emily Wilson. I forget how many people had commented on it when we first posted our little bios, but the last time I checked it was up to almost 7,000 comments. 😳 So far it's only generated two messages (from Texas and Virginia), so I'm not holding my breath. 

Here's the bio I posted in the comments. 

This is the first message I've received from it. I was a little concerned he was either big into camping or an arsonist...not sure which is worse. 😁 🔥  

I decided to reply the next morning. This is what ensued. 😐

And then I blocked him. Youths, man. 

Next! 

I appreciate the full sentences and punctuation. We've exchanged messages over a few days, but it's already petered out if for no other reason than he lives in VA and I'm in NE, and neither of us are interested in moving any time soon. Below is my favorite message from him so far...I asked him to send me a screenshot of his bio post and this is what he sent:

 

I said it was very flattering and my friends need to up their compliment game! 😆

Since the Insta post isn't accomplishing the (not my) goal, I begrudgingly reactivated my Facebook Dating profile - the last time I used it was in 2021 and I went on one coffee date. I looked into some of the other apps and the ones that I was remotely interested in trying were too pricey. There are free versions, but they have limited options, so if you want to do anything, you have to pay. So free FB Dating it is. I mentally committed to two weeks, which ended yesterday...at which point I shut it down again. 

I made a couple changes and added new pics from when I used it in 2021. I made certain intentional choices to provide context clues - the second pic that shows my tattoos and the mask pic farther on - in hopes of weeding out certain people without having to talk to them first, lol (fellas who don't like tattoos & plandemic peeps). I also included the Versailles Party pic because it's fun but more realistic and less flattering than the other photos.  

So far, so meh. Matched with a fella named Anthony and he sent the first message. Points for that. It was missing a comma or period, but fine. But that's where the points ended because I'm not doing all the heavy lifting. Could you not ask an actual question? Just one? Nope? Ok.  😐

Oh, and it gets better. I don't use the word audacity very often, but I think this warrants it. So after asking him personalized questions and not getting any in return, I didn't respond to the "It seems like a good state" message. Four days later, I get this:

And then he blocked me before I could reply.

Eeeexcuse me? 

Word of advice for you, sir. If you actually want to date someone, feel free to show some interest in them and ask questions to get to know them better. That's how you keep a conversation going. 

I was seriously peeved. You just know he's complaining to his friends that there are no "high value women" on dating apps and he just keeps getting ghosted. Golly gee, I wonder why? 😖😐

On to the next fella. Messaged with Jose say for a couple days. Nice guy. Points for correct spelling and punctuation. More points for asking questions and responding honestly to questions asked. A couple extra points for dealing with me being a bit intense. All the points lost for having two separate felony convictions, first one when he was 20, the second when he was 32 (he's now 39) - a 3rd DUI while driving on a suspended license. Bonus points for being honest about it and for responding well when I let him know it was something I was not comfortable with (and why) and so was not interested in moving forward. 

I'm sure women post dumb profiles, I just don't see them for obvious reasons. So I'm stuck wading through so many left swipes before finding any potential swipe right-ers. Your first pic is shirtless? Left. You include pics of your cat? Left (sorry, allergic & I'm too old to deal with feeling extra crappy/sneezy/itchy all the time). Super fit and include their love of gyms and/or camping? Left. Own a vape shop or are 402 friendly? A swipe-iest of lefts. 

Another weird feature with FB dating is the "friendship" option. I got quite a few "friendship" notifications, even from people who only have "long term relationship" listed in their "looking for" section. I've friend matched back a handful of times, mostly out of curiosity, and didn't have a single guy then reach out. It's rather odd.

I also question how effective the algorithm is when they send me some of these guys (in case you're wondering, these are all left swipe bios*). Do you not know me at all, Facebook Dating? Why would you think these are feasible match possibilities? 

Rabbits and werewolves need not apply.

I feel like this guy would be friends with Anthony ("any women out there who won't ghost me?" 😐)

Again with the condescension. Do these guys even like women? 

I saw quite a few profiles where they corrected their age. It was kind of odd.
Re: last sentence: then why are you on here? That vibe isn't going to attract someone you want to date! 

I suspect the person who said you weren't ordinary was pulling a "it's not you, it's me," hoping not to hurt your feelings. Because by the rest of this, sounds like you're high maintenance and a little touchy. 

Don't love #1, but we'll let that slide. My question is with #2. Did you mean maximum? Will only message you for 3 days MAX and then we need to meet IRL or else peace out? I'll just peace out now, thanks.

Submissive and smoke-loving I am not. I don't even like smoky meat or whiskey.

Am I missing something with that first sentence? Is it something the kids say? 'Cause it makes no sense to me. Also, I can't do 5'4". Sorry. 😬

Use more words, Kevin. 

Looks like you and Kevin have a lot in common (the bios). Both are super informative. 😐

This just makes me feel like you're a lot. And not in a good way.

Nope, no thank you. No roasts or raps necessary, thanks! 

.......what?

.......I'm sorry, what?

Not replying for a day counts as ghosting? In what world?! And someone asking where you work is the hill you want to die on? Again, this guy sounds like a lot. 😒

And this bio was absolutely written by AI. 😆 

To end on a funny one, this cracked me up. I didn't accept the match even though he's cute because clearly we are not on the same page. I did kinda want to message him asking why no fall weddings. It's such an odd choice for your one "same page" item. 

I should have saved some of the profiles that I did swipe right on, but none of them were particularly exciting. One of the recent ones included a pic with his siblings - two sisters and two brothers - which I thought was nice. I liked ones that included some info about them and what they were looking for in a positive way. Including answers to some of the prompts was also a plus, since it showed they took some time on their profiles instead of just doing the bare minimum.

But at the end of the day, two weeks was sufficient to remind me why I hate dating apps. It's just too stressful and generally lowers my opinion of humanity. A pro and con of being single this long is I don't need someone. I'd like someone to share things with, etc...but I'm comfortable and capable on my own. So no settling happening here, fam. 

I wish all the traversers of the apps the best of luck, for I art out-eth! 

~ Katie Q.  🐧

* In an attempt to show a modicum of respect, I intentionally didn't include their names or pics (other than Anthony, because turd...and I forgot with Hurricane George), so I could give them a hard time anonymously.