Happy belated New Years and World Introverts Day!

Happy belated New Years and World Introverts Day (Jan. 2nd)! 

I've seen several "year reviews," so I thought I'd put a wrap-up together too. 😎 

2019

• Celebrated my 10th anniversary working for the State of Nebraska/at the Legislature.
• Attended 7 concerts (including Josh Groban and Lewis Capaldi!)
• Attended 10 plays (including Hamilton, Phantom of the Opera and Betrayal, where I was about 20 ft from Tom Hiddleston and Charlie Cox) 
• Traveled out-of-state 5 times (once to New York City, twice to Kansas City and three times to Denver)
• Survived my first NiaD (Novel in a Day)!
• According to Fandango, I saw 34 movies in theater...Shazam!, John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum, Aladdin, Downton Abbey and Zombieland: Double Tap twice each! I know there were at least a few more, since a friend paid for Knives Out, Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker (I've seen that twice now too) and Jojo Rabbit. This also does not include movies I watched at home or at a movie night. I wrote reviews on a few of them - When Harry Met Sally, all of the Fast and Furious franchise, Isn't it Romantic? and one of my all time favorite rom-coms, He's Just Not That Into You.
• I read 37 books - 18 in Part 1 and 19 in Part 2.  
• Lived through a herniated disc (still recovering though).
• Moved forward in getting a better handle on my general health (eating better not included, lol).
• Participated in my 3rd GISH (Greatest International Scavenger Hunt)...and ordered an assbutt. 
• Wilde Photography sold over $200 in personalized note cards with original photography (new high for that product!). Also conned coworker into using one of my photos on his business card. 😎

Goals for 2020

• Get back to reading at least 52 books by the end of the year.
• Check "Visit Iceland" off my bucket list. 
• Pay off my credit card (after the Iceland trip, lol)
• Maybe participate in another GISH? This last one was a little disappointing, due to lack of general team participation. 
• Be better.

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Enter 2020...and an Instagram photoshoot?

For the last ten years or so, a group of us have gotten together for New Years in Kansas City. Some of the group have been friends since grade school...I'm the newbie, hanging out with one of them since high school and the rest post-college. With New Years falling on a Wednesday this year, we were able to hang out for a little longer than usual, since the Lincoln contingency drove down on Sunday. 

Maryann (one of the NYE hosts) bought a Groupon for a place called Wonder Wonder at the Oak Park Mall for her sister, Anissa, for Christmas. This pop-up is a conglomeration of rooms consisting of art installations, light displays and total randomness. The three of us decided to check it out on Monday to have an "Instagram Photoshoot." Between us we had two cameras and my cellphone...and ended up taking over 500 pictures. 😳 📸 Below are a few I took and a couple more of me I didn't hate. I've posted a few on Instagram, so I included my captions for those as well. 

Maryann and Anissa (L to R)

I always love a picture of a picture.

This room cracked me up. I like the tunnel effect. And the deer. It's got a great "Tiny house Christmas hunting lodge" feel to it. 

calkate21

Yesterday I went with some friends to a photo studio of sorts called Wonder Wonder at the Overland Park Mall. They have a bunch of rooms set up with unique backdrops for taking pictures. This is my favorite selfie.

calkate21

My favorite room in Wonder Wonder was the one with blue LEDs and mirrors. The lights morphed from white to various intensities of blue, which obviously affected how each picture turned out.

calkate21

Someone talked me into entering the pink room at Wonder Wonder! 😬 🎀 I recently bought this adorable t-shirt...we've been joking it's the only French Bulldog I'll ever own! 😆 🐶

calkate21I don't like having my picture taken. I'm sure that's hard to believe after all the pics I've posted the last few days...but it's true. Posing feels unnatural and I'm not photogenic (and hate people who are...I'm looking at you @nissa293 and @katierosepynes! 😁). But sometimes you just gotta roll with it. Going to Wonder Wonder in KC was one of those times. The concept was cool and they have some creative rooms, like this one. And after taking over 500 pics of & by three people (two cameras and a cellphone), there were bound to be a few of myself I didn't hate, like this one. I like the shadows and that you can see my Frenchie t-shirt. 😊🐶

calkate21

The snow room at Wonder Wonder was fun...after about 20 attempts we finally got a snow blowing pic that worked. 😆 ❄

wilde.photography.nebraska Blue light
@wonderwonder.kc

Segue to the next section: Maryann, Anissa and I were talking about the Myers-Briggs types on NYE and it turns out that we're all INFJs. I think we totally ruined some sort of statistic, since INFJ is the least common M-B personality type and there were 3 of us sitting at the same table! 😄 



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Since it was World Introverts Day on Thursday, I thought I'd share a couple introvert-y articles I've run across lately. 😊 

Two of my favorite personality-related inventories are the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and Gary Chapman's Love Languages. They both offer insight into how people perceive and interact with the world around them. No two people are alike, so categorizing is never going to offer a complete picture, but I think it's a good starting point for understanding yourself (and others) better...a snapshot, if you will. 😎 📷 

Since becoming interested in the MBTI, I think I've grown in how I perceive and respond to people and situations. It's helped me decipher why I'm feeling what I'm feeling, allowing me to decide how to react or more forward. Does this mean I always handle what life throws at me well? Hell no. But it has made me more aware of patterns of behavior, good and bad personality traits and helped me to think through situations more clearly after the fact, (over)thinking on how I handled it and what I could have done better. It's also helped me be more aware of how other people deal with different experiences and situations. I aim to be more understanding...though I have a long way to go. 

I've taken unofficial MBTI tests a few times and I waffle between INFJ and ISFJ. I've decided I'm special and get my own unique designation...the IN/SFJ! 😎 I'm an amalgamation of both Sensing and Intuition. There's a lot of overlap between both personality types, since all the other traits are the same. I frequently read the descriptions for each (INFJ and ISFJ) and think "yep, that sounds like me" or in equal parts feel it's not quite right.  

This brings us to the 5 Love Languages. If you're not familiar with the term, it's the ways we experience and express feeling/showing love. Dr. Gary Chapman describes it as a "love tank," our capacity or reserve of feeling loved and how that "tank" is best filled. Everyone experiences feeling loved a little differently, but he breaks down it down into five basic categories, which I've listed below with my score in each. 

8 Physical Touch
8 Quality Time
6 Acts of Service
5 Receiving Gifts
3 Words of Affirmation
(I retook the quiz earlier this year...the results were the same as when I took it in 2015.)


I ran across this article published the beginning of December on Introvert, Dear that pairs the primary love language with a introverted Myers-Briggs personality type. I pulled out INFJ and ISFJ and included them below, since they pertain to my personality fusion. 😊 They were close, since they're Quality Time and Acts of Service, which are in my top 3 Love Languages. 

December 2, 2019
Here’s The Love Language Of Each Introverted Myers-Briggs Type

by Genevieve Wynand

You can create deeper connections when you understand how each introverted Myers-Briggs personality type shows and receives love.

The 5 love languages were developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, and they articulate what it takes to help a person feel loved. By understanding how you show and receive love, you can create deeper interpersonal connections. The five love languages are:

• Words of affirmation — connection through sincere dialogue
• Quality time — connection through attention
• Receiving gifts — connection through thoughtful giving
• Acts of service — connection through shared responsibility
• Physical touch — connection through bodily contact

Introverts comprise up to fifty percent of the population, so chances are someone in your life — partner, friend, family member, coworker — identifies as an introvert. Often misunderstood to be unsociable, many introverts actually desire deep connection with a few trusted individuals. But the love languages introverts speak and understand are as diverse as the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types themselves. In other words, when it comes to introverts, one size doesn’t fit all.

Use the suggestions below as a starting point, remembering that each of us comes with unique life experiences that will influence what we need in a relationship. Learning the love language of your dear introvert will help you forge the authentic connection he or she craves.

The Love Language of Each Introverted Personality Type

​INFJ

INFJs are often seen as the most contradictory of introverts. Their personality pendulum swings from quiet and withdrawn to outgoing and social. Depending on the situation and their energy levels, INFJs truly enjoy quality time with others. But as emotional sponges, they have limits for how much therapy and people-pleasing they can offer before risking an introvert hangover.

Deeply empathetic, INFJs will be there for you, often putting your emotional needs ahead of their own. But wound an INFJ and you risk the notorious door slam: To protect their emotional vulnerability and permeability, an INFJ might feel no choice but to cut someone out of their life completely.

INFJs speak the love language of quality time. They thrive on feeling understood, and your attention and willingness to dive deep will strengthen this connection. Natural therapists, INFJs use their wisdom and intuition to understand the world around them. And they appreciate when others listen to and communicate with them at this deeper level. The key word here is quality, so put down your phone, turn off Netflix, and fill your INFJ’s easily depleted emotional bucket with some undivided attention.

I can enjoy group activities, but I have definitely noticed that I need one-on-one time with people I care about. I have a close friend who I mostly spend time with in a group setting and I've been aware of missing them when we haven't had time to hang out just the two of us. And it doesn't always have to be deep, thoughtful conversations. Another friend and I used to get together on the weekend and frequently did nothing more than watch movies or marathon TV shows on a Saturday night. Just literally spending time together made me feel comfortable, relaxed and loved. 

The second example does come with a caveat - it's not hard to just feel like a piece of furniture in the room...that whether or not you're there holds no real import to the other person. This tends to happen when they engage in other solo activities while you're there, eliminating the feeling of spending time together, since you're not mutually engaged (even if it just in watching the same movie together). 

Feeling understood is another thing that matters a lot to me and that tends to result from quality time spent with the other person. There are few people who I feel "get me," which can get a bit demoralizing. Flip side, it's amazing when you have that kind of connection with someone and you feel like they understand you...like, you-you and not the you that is curated for the general public. 


ISFJ

The ISFJ is the golden retriever of introverts: caring and dependable, they appreciate routine and peaceful environments. These hard workers take commitments seriously, and often find it hard to say no to those who depend on them. Like INFJs, ISFJs tend to enjoy social interaction. But, unlike their intuitive cousins, they are more likely to remember little facts and details about those they interact with.

Acts of service are a surefire way to connect with an ISFJ. This practical introvert is supportive of others and expects support in return. Saying no can be hard for an ISFJ, so do simple things that ease their burden and help them avoid burnout. Pick up the kids from school, get that package sent off, or cook an easy dinner. Practical themselves, ISFJs will appreciate you sharing the responsibilities of daily life.

​​Another way to connect with this caring introvert is to participate together in acts of service for others. ISFJs enjoy tradition and working behind the scenes. Together, you could volunteer each holiday season at a soup kitchen, or pick one day every year to round up donatables for a women’s shelter. For ISFJs, simple and supportive acts keep connections strong.

This one is a little hard to define, outside the ordinary "empty the dishwasher, do the bills or laundry, pick up the kids from school" kind of things. Those examples are all important and make a big difference in lightening your partner's load, so I don't mean to sound like I'm discounting their value. I guess I just have a broader definition of "Acts of Service" for myself - doing things to make life easier for the other person. Sometimes that entails picking up groceries on the way home from work to save them running another errand, but it could also mean showing up at your office with a cup of coffee. That could double as "Receiving Gifts," but to me it falls under Acts of Service if you're going out of your way to spontaneously do something (the action of it) to make the other person's day better and easier. 
 





3 Things INFJs Need to Open Up to Others

by Boom Shikha  12/11/2019

I saw a meme recently about INFJs that made me laugh at the truth that it portrayed. It said something like, “An INFJ says, ‘I told you about my favorite color, how much more open do you want me to be?’”

Funny, yes. True, absolutely.

It takes a long time for an INFJ, one of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, to open up to the people around them. When I say long, I mean long.

Because of my YouTube channel on INFJs, I get messages from non-INFJs interested in INFJs all the time. And the questions usually go like this:

“I have known this INFJ for two weeks (or two months), and they are still as cold and aloof as before. How long will it take my INFJ to warm up to me and trust me?”

And I think to myself — two weeks! Even two months! It’s never enough. I have known people all my life (my family members, for one), and I still have a hard time trusting them. It takes INFJs a long time to trust people. Unfortunately, that’s just how it is.

You must be thinking — is that it? I just have to resign myself to my INFJ taking eons to trust me?

Well, not really. There are three things INFJs need in order to trust you more, and I will elaborate on those three things in this post. So perk up your ears, my friends. Part of the solution awaits below.

What INFJs Need to Open Up to Others

1. Don’t flinch, no matter what your INFJ shares with you.

The thing about INFJs is that we are always testing the people around us to see if we can trust them further. The test usually entails us sharing something crazy and quirky about ourselves with you, and seeing if you flinch. Just don’t flinch, for god’s sake.

The results of those tests we administer usually — okay, almost always — come back negative. I know, I know — you are different. I believe you are as well; at least, I want to believe that, and that’s why I’m telling you now: Your particular INFJ is absolutely testing you right now. In subtle ways, every single day, we test the people around us.

Unfortunately, we end up finding out over and over again that the people around us don’t deserve our trust. It’s not like we want the tests to come back negative. We want the opportunity to trust people. But it just doesn’t work out that way in most cases.

For example, a few years ago, I was staying with a friend for a week, while I was holidaying in her country. I realized that our friendship was even more broken than I had thought previously, so I decided to test her one last time, just to see if she would step up to the plate. She didn’t.

I told her something private about me, something unconventional, but something quite important to me. She balked. She looked shocked and disgusted. It was a tiny test. Nothing major. But she didn’t pass. Believe me, I wanted her to pass, so we could have kept our friendship going.

If your INFJ is sharing something fragile and precious with you, it’s not because we want to shock you and break up our relationship. We are doing it to see if you will accept us for who we are — quirks and all. It’s a test, and I hope you will pass, for your INFJ’s sake.

I can't say I tend to share shocking things, mostly because of how absurdly private I am (also the lack of shocking things to share, lol). For me it's more little things that are important to me or tidbits about myself...things I'm thinking or feeling...and then judging how much the other person cares about what I've shared. I can tell you down to the second how long I can hold someone's attention when talking/sharing something about myself. The less someone actively shows interest (not asking follow-up questions, turns the conversation to themselves at the first possible opportunity, disregards the information I've just shared with them or clearly dismisses it), the less likely I am to share with them again in the future. The less important I feel to you, the less I'm willing to share those things that are important to me...including me, myself and I.  

2. Don’t let your INFJ down, and when you do, give them a proper explanation.

Yes, INFJs tend to be perfectionists with high standards, but we are not monsters. We realize we are not dealing with perfect beings, but with imperfect human beings. And we know we’re imperfect ourselves. We absolutely realize that everyone around us is doing the best they can. That’s all well and good.

But sometimes, their best isn’t up to par.

The problem is, INFJs can be so easy-going that people take advantage of their kindness, forgiveness, and generosity of spirit. People like to push our boundaries. We give a little, and they push a lot. Eventually, we realize enough is enough.

I have noticed this happens quite often in my life. I will ask someone to do something for me. They will fail at the simple task. I will cut them some slack and think, hey, that’s life, things come up, they are human. I will give them another chance — and ask them to do something else. They fail again. Over and over again, four, five, six times, I will ask someone to do something, or to be somewhere at some point for me, and they fail.

After that, I will completely, absolutely give up on them. My trust in them has been shattered, irreparably so.

If you are going to let your INFJ down, you better have a good explanation for it. If you do, we will accept it with an open heart, but try not to repeat the same mistake over and over again. We are kind, but we are definitely not stupid.

Well, normally not stupid. Even the best of us have our moments of stupidity. 

I get people make mistakes. Hell, I make them all the time. But repetition in any form wears on me...especially when it's the same mistake on repeat. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. When the behavior or situation doesn't change and I feel let down again (and again and again), at some point I'm going to be done.

3. Integrity is a trait that INFJs admire and trust very much.

This is something that I recently realized about myself. Not only do I trust and admire people with integrity more than others, but it’s a trait that I want to cultivate in myself as well.

I want to be one of those people whose word is bond. If I say I’m going to do something, I want people to believe it as if it were law. I think INFJs love the idea of being people of integrity — we don’t want to be talkers, but doers.

We also want the people around us to be doers. There are way too many people on this planet who say they are going to go to the gym or change their lives in one way or another, but end up doing nothing.

I distrust those kinds of people so much — I can’t even begin to tell you how much. They could tell me anything, and I would disbelieve them. They could even tell me something simple like, I’m going to the toilet, and I would be thinking, uh-huh, right, you are NOT going to the toilet.

My trust in them has completely disintegrated. If you want to be one of those people that an INFJ trusts and admires, become a person of integrity. Your word should be your bond, whenever humanly possible.

And never make promises to an INFJ that you don’t intend on keeping. That’s the easiest way to lose your INFJ to a door slam.

I hope these three points help you become a person that your INFJ will trust and want to be around for a long time to come. If not forever.


^ This! 110% this! Being able to count on someone means the world to me. Saying needs to equal doing and promises are absolute. Breaking a promise is the BEST way to lose my trust...and a promise on my end is binding. It's one of the reasons why I almost never make (or ask for) promises, because I take them so seriously. And I'm definitely a doer...and expect the same from others. I get different personalities work differently, but if you want me to take you seriously, to trust and care for you, doing and action are necessary. 

Slightly off topic (though related) - I had a friend who was a "speculator", as in they thought (speculated) through things out loud. Where they wanted to eat, places they might move, things they might do. They'd toss out ideas and then verbally mull over them for a time. And it drove me CRAZY! They'd say something like "maybe we should go on a cruise" and immediately I'd start researching possible routes, ports and activities...to then hear a few days later "well, maybe England?," which would then point me in a different direction of research and planning. I'm a doer and figuring out the details is my thing. I finally had to reign myself in and just sit back, letting the other person make their way through various ideas until they finally landed on something (or nothing). It's one of the things that contributed to our friendship's slow death. We weren't on the same wave length and it ended up with one or both of us frustrated to the point where it just wasn't worth the effort anymore. 

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I'm not much of one for New Years resolutions, but I'm always interested in what other people are hoping to accomplish in the next 12 months. Anyone put a list together or have an interesting/unusual item they care to share?
~ Katie Q. 🐧


Back to introvert-ing - these memes always crack me up. 😆 I've never been that frantic about someone talking to me (unless we're talking about Aidan Turner, but that was a good frantic, lol). At the worst I've given a person the "What do you want? Why are you talking to me?" side eye. 😂