With as much griping as I tend to do about the legislature, I figure I should take note of when there is a moment of levity as well. Thankfully we had one of those moments on Wednesday, courtesy of Senator Colby Coash.
Senator Coash introduced a bill that would exclude professional wrestling from a 5% fee imposed by the Athletic Commission, with the hope of drawing more pro wrestling events to Nebraska. In "honor" of introducing the bill on the legislative floor, Senator Coash and his legislative aide David put together a list of wrestling names for all the senators. I had a little input as well. :)
As he introduced the bill, Senator Coash began referring to himself in the third person, that Captain Chaos" this and Captain Chaos that. The article cannot give you a real appreciation for his speech...it's a little bit "you had to have been there." But it was pretty epic since it was given on the floor of the Legislature (which makes it intrinsically more funny) and because Senator Coash was barely able to make it through it without busting a gut.
It was pretty great. :)
Senators get their pro wrestling names with support of bill
April 29, 2015 12:05 pm •
The future of professional wrestling is (somewhat) secure in Nebraska. State senators now have their official Capitol Wrestling Federation names.
Galen "Hammerhead" Hadley, Bill "King Kong" Kintner, "Lawless" Tyson Larson, Heath "Money Bags" Mello, Patty "The Punisher" Pansing Brooks, Ernie "Lion Whisperer" Chambers.
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| Senator Colby "Captain Chaos" Coash |
Lincoln Sen. Colby "Captain Chaos" Coash issued the names Wednesday before he introduced a bill (LB291) on the Legislature's consent calendar. The bill would remove professional wrestling from the jurisdiction of the state athletic commissioner.
During discussion of the bill, Coash apologized to any children in the balconies or the listening audience as he broke this news.
"In case anyone is unaware of this and Captain Chaos is telling you this for the first time, here is the hard truth: Professional wrestling is not a real sport," Coash said. "It is not a competitive sport. It is no different than a scripted play or musical act that you would see at the Lied Center, Sokol Auditorium or Norfolk Community Center."
Professional wrestling has more in common with Cirque du Soleil or the Ringling Bros. Circus, he said.
The point of the bill, brought to the Legislature on behalf of Pinnacle Bank Arena, Omaha's CenturyLink Center and for professional wrestling fans across the state, is to remove the Athletic Commission's 5 percent tax on gross revenue on the broadcast fee for live televised events. That's exclusive of state and federal taxes.
The bill would help ensure live professional wrestling events like WWE Monday Night Raw and Thursday Night Smackdown return to Nebraska, he said. Professional wrestling has a huge fan base in the state, and "incredible market appeal."
"Captain Chaos has it on good authority that WWE may not send live entertainment events back to Nebraska because of the additional tax placed on ticket sales that goes toward the State Athletic Commission," he said.
Last year, two professional wrestling events sold out in Omaha and Lincoln, and the WWE had to fork over $60,000 of revenue, he said.
It would be a travesty, Coash said, if new generations of wrestlers the likes of Macho Man Randy Savage, the Ultimate Warrior, Captain Lou Albano and Hulk Hogan never have the opportunity to provide live entertainment to Nebraskans.
As Coash distributed their own list of names he told senators: "Feel free to speak in the third person and refer to colleagues accordingly for the rest of the day -- or session."
The bill advanced on a 42-0 vote.
State senator wrestling roster
Roy "The Butcher" Baker
Dave "Man in Black" Bloomfield
Kate "Bad News" Bolz
Lydia "The Boss" Brasch
Kathy "Karate Kid" Campbell
Ernie "Lion Whisperer" Chambers
Colby "Captain Chaos" Coash
Tanya "The Crippler" Cook
Joni "Candy Crusher" Craighead
Sue "Crawfish" Crawford
Al "Diesel" Davis
Laura "Extinction" Ebke
Curt "The Flea" Friesen
Tommy "Grassgrower" Garrett
Mike "Gargoyle" Gloor
Mike "The Grappler" Groene
Ken "Henchman" Haar
Galen "Hammerhead" Hadley
Matt "Hitman" Hansen
Burke "Hellfire" Harr
"Ruthless" Robbie Hilkemann
Sara "The Hunter" Howard
Dan "Hurricane" Hughes
Jerry "Jitterbug" Johnson
Bill "King Kong" Kintner
Rick "Killer" Kowolski
Mark "The Collector" Kolterman
Bob "Cataclysm" Krist
John "Cobra Kai" Kuehn
"Lawless" Tyson Larson
Brett "Starlord" Lindstrom
John "Mad Dog" McCollister
Beau "Bowtie" McCoy
Heath "Money Bags" Mello
Adam "The Mongrel" Morfeld
John "Big Fred" Murante
Jeremy "The Twitterer" Nordquist
Patty "The Punisher" Pansing Brooks
Merv "Rowdy" Riepe
Jim "Scarecrow" Scheer
Ken "Mr. Sensational" Schilz
David "Storm Chaser" Schnoor
"Stone Cold" Paul Schumacher
Les "The Shark" Seiler
Jim "The Silencer" Smith
John "Sidewinder" Stinner
Kate "Shipwreck" Sullivan
Dan "Wildflower" Watermeier
Matt "Wall Street" Williams
* * *
I found a wrestling name generator online...what did you get? :)
http://www.wrestlingname.com/
~ Katie "Fierce Legend" Quintero
(Or, if we go with Kathryn, "Napalm Darkshadow.")
hahaha! That wrestling name generator is hilarious. I'm either "Crazy Skull" or "Disco Vandal" depending on how I spell my name :D
ReplyDeleteDear Katie and Abby: I forbid you from ever engaging in professional wrestling, or unprofessional for that matter! Ha!
ReplyDeleteGolly gee- for all the things that have ever caused me worry, (and the list is ever so long), I never ever thought I'd have to be concerned about this subject matter as it relates to either of you! - with love from your official and unofficial (you know which is which) Mother.
ps: Thanks for the post Katie Q. Very funny reading for a Monday morning! :)
All I heard was "I wonder what my professional wrestler name is?!" And Mary Murphy Quintero yielded "Johnny Justice"...which is amazingly apropos. Mary Murphy "Johnny Justice" Quintero. Has a nice ring to it! :D
ReplyDelete