I haven't read the book(s) nor do I intend to, but I am familiar with the basic premise and have read a couple of the articles about it, including The Matt Walsh Blog, The Catholic World Report and one by Dave Barry of TIME Magazine. If for some reason you don't know the premise (I ain't providing it for you! too awkward and decidedly not family friendly!) and want a quick glance into the 50 Shades world, there are some enlightening quotes on GoodRead's quote page. Like I said...not family friendly. Consider yourself warned.
To lend myself a bit of credibility before I really get into this, I must confess to having read exactly one romantic novel ever...(*cough*...hi mom)...and a myriad of back covers, because they're hilarious. The back covers are hilarious, not my lone encounter with the romantic novel. I admit to succumbing to curiosity and reading a raunchy little "romance" novel via a free ebook. Utter garbage is the best way I can describe it. In a literary sense, it was atrocious...anyone claiming to read romantic novels for the "storyline" are either stupid or lying...and calling them "mommy porn" is reasonable because that's basically what it is, just in written form instead of on the TV/computer screen or in explicit photographs. It leaves little to the imagination, and what it does is quickly filled in by the imagination itself. It's called "erotica" for a reason, people. Categorically it's the same as women going to see Chippendale dancers or watching Magic Mike (which is basically the same thing)...and I'd be a hypocrite if I condoned either and then became indignant for a man watching porn or going to a strip club. Granted books are pure fantasy and there are no real people involved other than you (and the author), but ultimately the outcome and intentions are the same. And anyone who knows me is aware of my great opposition and aversion to porn and strip clubs...particularly towards the men who frequent them. Therefore fair is fair...or, wrong is wrong...and I cannot and will not make excuses for romantic novels.
Now that that's out of the way...back to 50 Shades.
The Matt Walsh Blog article entitled "To the women of America: 4 reasons to hate 50 Shades of Grey" was clearly opposed to the books and movie...though the first comment to his article is what I mainly want to talk about (more on that later). Dave Barry's article was amusing though a bit graphic, so be forewarned that he gets into more detail than you might wish to know about the specifics of the book, should you decide to read his article. His ultimate conclusion was dumb - basically that the reason the books are so popular is because women are also interested in sex (just like men)...but his personal opinion after reading 50 Shades was pretty great:
There are two more books in this series, titled “Fifty Shades Darker” and “The Third Fifty Shades Book That Was Required to Make It a Trilogy.” I assume these books bring these two lovebirds back together, as well as revealing the Dark Secret in Christian’s past. I don’t know because I haven’t read them, although I fully intend to do so in the future if the only alternative is crucifixion.
He also recommended having "an honest, 'no holds barred' conversation about sex with the special woman in your life. I did this with my wife, and as difficult as this was for me, I’m glad I did because it was very revealing. Here’s the complete transcript:
Me: Hey, do you secretly want me to tie you up and flog you?
My wife: No.
Yes, communication is the key to a successful relationship.
Quick and decisive response. Good for her. :)
Back to The Matt Walsh Blog. His thoughts on 50 Shades were pretty good, albeit a bit snarky and idealistic, which he recognized and embraced. I rarely read comments on anything anymore (except on my own blog!) because I hate internet trolls and stupidity in general. Thankfully I decided to check them out for once, since I thought Lindsay Marks Harold made some excellent points regarding the series, feminism and women in general.
Lindsay Marks Harold · University of West Alabama
I think women gravitate to 50 Shades of Grey (and other similar erotica) because they haven't embraced the proper roles in sex and marriage. Feminism has taught them that they can never, ever, in any fashion submit to a man...unless it's during sex, if that sort of thing is their cup of tea. Anything goes in the bedroom. Feminism told them that it's degrading to be a stay-at-home mom or to submit to a husband or to want a lot of children. They should never have sex with their husbands unless they feel like it. They should never let a man make decisions for their family. But having a stranger use and abuse you sexually? Well, that's empowering, don't ya know.
The other factor at play is that women are most attracted to men when men are most masculine. It's masculine and attractive to women for men to be in charge, confident, powerful, and robust. But feminism taught men to suppress these characteristics and taught women that any man who shows them is chauvinistic and oppressive. Thus men have learned to become passive and women have learned to hate and fear masculine men.
In much of life, the feminization of men may seem to turn out fine for both sexes. We live in a culture where we don't often need a man to fight invaders and women can do most jobs. If the gender roles are rather blurred or even reversed, we can still survive. But in the bedroom, women have a hard time being turned on by a wuss. During sex, the natural differences of men and women are more noticeable and important. When that difference isn't emphasized, it makes arousal more difficult. Women are turned on by a man's more masculine traits. Opposites attract.
When women find their sex life hum-drum because they either have a feminized man or have effectively emasculated him by forcing him to bow to their demands in order to get sex, they often get excited at the thought of being dominated. Erotica, like 50 Shades, appeals to their innate desire to feel a man's power and leadership, to be led and give up control. They may or may not realize it, but I think this is, for many women, the issue. They play a game of make-believe in their minds because feminism has told them it's taboo in real life.
Of course, the male dominance in 50 Shades of Grey is a twisted and warped version that is debased and harmful. But in a culture of women yearning inside to find some semblance of real masculinity to submit to, it still appeals to them deep down. They don't have the real thing, so they fall for twisted counterfeits that have small glimmers of the masculinity they desire. They're like hungry people eating out of garbage cans, not realizing that they've ignored the gourmet restaurant down the street.
The other factor at play is that women are most attracted to men when men are most masculine. It's masculine and attractive to women for men to be in charge, confident, powerful, and robust. But feminism taught men to suppress these characteristics and taught women that any man who shows them is chauvinistic and oppressive. Thus men have learned to become passive and women have learned to hate and fear masculine men.
In much of life, the feminization of men may seem to turn out fine for both sexes. We live in a culture where we don't often need a man to fight invaders and women can do most jobs. If the gender roles are rather blurred or even reversed, we can still survive. But in the bedroom, women have a hard time being turned on by a wuss. During sex, the natural differences of men and women are more noticeable and important. When that difference isn't emphasized, it makes arousal more difficult. Women are turned on by a man's more masculine traits. Opposites attract.
When women find their sex life hum-drum because they either have a feminized man or have effectively emasculated him by forcing him to bow to their demands in order to get sex, they often get excited at the thought of being dominated. Erotica, like 50 Shades, appeals to their innate desire to feel a man's power and leadership, to be led and give up control. They may or may not realize it, but I think this is, for many women, the issue. They play a game of make-believe in their minds because feminism has told them it's taboo in real life.
Of course, the male dominance in 50 Shades of Grey is a twisted and warped version that is debased and harmful. But in a culture of women yearning inside to find some semblance of real masculinity to submit to, it still appeals to them deep down. They don't have the real thing, so they fall for twisted counterfeits that have small glimmers of the masculinity they desire. They're like hungry people eating out of garbage cans, not realizing that they've ignored the gourmet restaurant down the street.
Stupid feminists...they ruin everything. :)
That being said, feminism has evolved considerably over the years and has done a great disservice to both men and women. The original feminists would roll over in their graves if they knew how their hard work was being twisted and turned against women. Fighting for women's rights, such as the ability to vote or own land was good and important. Attempting to establish equality was a worthy goal...but over the years it has turned into an attempt at female dominance over men, instead of trying to acquire equal footing. Society has greatly emasculated men, which has to be a contributing factor to the number of single mothers, deadbeat dads and lack of ambition among a good chunk of our male population. Society doesn't expect men to stand up and lead anymore, because we have been fighting them, declaring our womanly independence and freedom too loudly and for too long. We have created a couple generations of unambitious perpetual boys instead of good, providing and thoughtful men.
Sexist as it sounds, most women are naturally drawn to good, strong, dominant male figures. We don't want men who just tell us what to do, but we also don't really like pushovers either. So when something like 50 Shades comes out, women are drawn to those manly, dominant qualities that are becoming harder and harder to find, since femi-nazis have effectively weeded it out as basic male character traits. Like Lindsay mentioned, feminists are likely draw to those qualities in a story because such attraction is permissible as a fantasy, but not in real life. The fact that these traits are perverted into something selfish and harmful is of course overlooked, since sex and love are no longer partners in a relationship...and love has been turned into something self-centered and demanding, instead of thoughtful and giving. Ditto for sex.
The abusive, albeit consensual relationship portrayed in 50 Shades of Grey is not love. Borrowing from Dave Barry's article again, making someone sign a "contract agreeing to let him do these things to her. Yes! To be fair, the contract clearly states that there will be 'no acts involving fire play . . . urination or defecation and the products thereof' and 'no acts involving children or animals'" is not love. So anyone claiming this is a love story (yes, I've heard that argument from someone who has actually read the 50 Shades books) is dead wrong. Classifying it as a harmless fantasy is wrong too, since it glorifies and romanticizes a deeply flawed and abusive relationship. And unlike the Twilight Series (which is unhealthy in it's own way), there are real people and relationship like this. One of the reasons I find Twilight less offensive is because there are no such things as vampires. There are perverted sociopaths who take pleasure in inflicting pain on their sexual partners. And those are not the kind of relationships to be supported or promoted.
I "understand" the perverted appeal because I'm one of those women who likes strong men. I am attracted to the Mr. Darcys, Mr. Knightleys and Seeley Booths (from the TV show Bones) of the world. Booth is actually my quintessential "perfect man," though it's easy enough to be perfect when you're fictional. He's strong, determined, focused, protective, loving, thoughtful and loyal...definitely an alpha male, in a good sense. He is the leader of his (fictitious) family, even though his wife (Temperance Brennan) has a very strong personality and is not one to be pushed around or walked over. She's brilliant, very independent and still recognizes the necessity of a partnership in their relationship and marriage. It didn't happen overnight and is something they're always working on, but they trust and support each other in making major decisions. Again, it's a lot easier to do in a fictional relationship, but I think it's also something that is attainable in real life. So I can see being attracted to those dominant characteristics and I'm sure is at least contributes to what draws many women to these kind of books.
The esteemed Dr. Peter Kreeft once said (in no way related to 50 Shades) "Grey is the devil’s favorite color." In this particular instance, he couldn't not have said it better. Moral ambiguity has created endless shades of grey. Settling for the less that is selfish and harmful in these kind of relationships is not what we should be aspiring to or fantasizing about. The moral relativity of "whatever floats your boat" is not good or acceptable. In some ways, sure...but when it comes to extremes like this, no. And just because it's consensual doesn't make it ok. Women should recognize it for what it is...clear examples of physical and mental abuse. If a guy says "I want you sore, baby," the correct response is to slap him and run away as fast as you can, not allow your "inner goddess" to get excited about it. Talk about a glaring example of destructive male dominance that any feminist worth her salt should reject on sight. Yeesh and blech.
I know the movie is going to make a bazillion dollars and be at the top of the charts once it comes out, just like the books were (are?) a top seller. And while I can't stop people from going to see it (or reading the books), I can be a good steward of my own time and money by not contributing a cent toward this additional swirl in society's downward spiral. I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom-y, but it does get discouraging to see something like this not only embraced, but lauded on such a grand scale.
All I want is a nice, thoughtful guy who will have my back and think the world of me...because I will adore and be supportive of him...and for life around me to reinforce that notion and help make it a reality.
That's not really so much to ask, is it?
It is? Well, damn it...
Sigh.
Well, on that cheery note...y'all have a lovely Tuesday.
~ Katie


Fifty Shades of Masochism
ReplyDeleteFifty Shades of Spousal Abuse
Fifty Shades of Stockholm Syndrome
These are my initial thoughts, I'll read your post later. :)
That is a legitimate three sentence summary of the series. :)
Delete"I don’t know because I haven’t read them, although I fully intend to do so in the future if the only alternative is crucifixion."
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!